Bounty-hunting ego

The Seekers A Bounty Hunter's Story. By Joshua Armstrong andAnthony Bruno. HarperCollins. $25.

The Seekers: A Bounty Hunter's Story has already been optioned by20th Century Fox. Wesley Snipes is said to be considering the lead,drawn most likely to all the cool stuff in this autobiography of thenation's most successful bounty hunter-the tasers and Dazers andnight-vision headgear and Blammo Ammo rubber bullets. Snipes wouldkick butt as Joshua Armstrong, the stalking, boxing, kung fu fightingaction figure, leading his gang of Seekers as they bring back the badguys.

Armstrong himself, however, would probably opt for a more"spiritual" actor for the part-Samuel L. Jackson, say. Because likeShaft undergoing est or a black Billy Jack, Armstrong would ratherteach than fight. He takes way too many opportunities in this book tospread his hazy gospel of physical asceticism, Eastern "thought" andglowing self-regard.

Armstrong's bounty-hunting disciples/employees take secret Seekernames-Jedidiah, Rock, Job, Jeremiah, Solomon and Zora-and follow aregimen of weight lifting, boxing, jujitsu and weapons training.Seekers must complete a seven-book reading list, including Sun Tzu'sThe Art of War and several "works of ancient Egyptian philosophy" bysomeone named John Baines. The latter phrase appears pointlessly overand over, but my favorite is this hollow gem: "I take an ancientEgyptian approach to my work based on my study of ancient Egyptianphilosophy."

The Seekers boast a remarkable 85 percent success rate, muchhigher than that of the police, the FBI or the U.S. Marshals Service.Maybe some credit belongs to their ninja shenanigans (the Seekers arequite fit physically), but patience combined with unlimited time andmoney usually seems to land the perp. Armstrong and his posse willspend days watching an apartment that may house someone withinformation, and they're always loosening derelicts' tongues withrolls of $20 bills.

Like most bounty hunters, the Seekers charge their bail bondsmanclients 10 percent of the outstanding bail for in-state fugitives, 20percent for out-of-state. Many details of the job are interesting-staying invisible on a stakeout, tricking the perp's friends intotalking, manipulating families to turn over their black sheep.

Among the fun fugitive tidbits: More criminals are nabbed onChristmas, Thanksgiving and Mother's Day than on any other days-theycan't resist visiting their moms. It's best to capture bail jumpersvery early, when they're unarmed and in deep sleep. Federal agents(or bounty hunters if they've gotten permission) can transportprisoners on commercial flights if they drape a jacket over thehandcuffs and sit in the very back row.

But Armstrong can't just give us the skinny on his work; he has tomarch out his code of manliness like some GI Joe he can't stopplaying with. Even worse than the priggish lectures against unmarriedsex and watching TV and eating meat is the soft-boiled writing: ugly,thick sentences oozing self-congratulation and unnecessary clauses.

Has anyone ever etched a stakeout with duller quill? "As mellowjazz from the tape player filled the space inside my vehicle, Iwitnessed the street changes as they unfolded."

Or been more clunky on a junkie? "When drugs become a person'sgod, that deity is demanding."

The bounty-hunting tales end anticlimactically, and all have thesame moral: Armstrong doesn't need to shoot anyone because he is more"evolved" than most men. In fact, Armstrong was put on earth toinspire other men. At book's end, he reveals that he is plowing hisbounty into his own start-up religion, Earth Church. He's positionedto do this, he explains, because "I constantly explore the raw vibeof reality, always pondering my next evolutionary process."

The man is tough. I get a headache pondering him pondering his"evolutionary process," and that constant sliding around on the rawvibe-ouch! That's got to chafe.